Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Sharing my stupidity

I am so glad that everyone has enjoyed the Flying Sweet Potato incident. It still makes me laugh and that damn mixer plug still falls out of the wall when I use it (I refuse to cave and get a new one). Brian will tell you that I am the klutziest person, ever. Shit happens to me that happens to no one. I can trip over my own feet, walk into things and have unknown bruises all the time. Long ago, when I was married to the Snuffalupogus - Snuffy for short - (long story, I'll have to tell that one day), my boss called me into his office. Seems as though managment was a tad worried that Snuffy was knocking me around a bit (ok, that happened later, but not at this point). I was very adamant in telling them that he had never laid a hand on me, why were they asking? Seems as though I was a walking bruise on any given day and they were worried he was beating me. How embarrasing.

One of my finer moments came just a few short years ago. I was nice and thin back then and long, ankle-length skirts were SO in (I bet you know where this is going, don't 'cha?). I was the Executive Assistant to the Sales Director of our office with a holding pen cubicle right outside his glass-walled office. He was in there, working away and I was sitting at my desk typing one of his stupid reports. Little did I know that when I sat down, I had rolled over the long skirt and my chair was holding it down. If you are drinking coffee right know, I suggest you swallow - unlike my boss. He turned to the glass window, called me into his office and took a gulp of said coffee. Since my elastic waisted skirt was under the chair, when I got up and started to walk, half the skirt came down around my knees(thank GOD I had a slip on) and tripped me, tossing me onto the floor in front of my chair with the skirt now around my calves. I thought my boss was going to die laughing. Coffee spewed out of his mouth, all over the glass and he was in hysterics. While I lay on the floor wanting to be sucked into a freaking sink hole.

I got a special award that year at the Christmas Party for being Santa's Favorite Elf and voted most likely to be naked at the office. I worked there 3 years longer and they never let me forget it.

Posted by Heather at 10:05 AM


  1. Blogger Kari posted at 11:31 AM  
    ROFL I'm sorry, I really do feel your pain, my mother used to say there was a reason I was not named grace, because I lacked any.
    I horribly clumsy
  2. Blogger Mel posted at 12:58 PM  
    Thank you for sharing. I'm laughing so hard. Remind me to tell you about how I drowned my pager one time... It ranks in the embarassing moments dept, too.
  3. Blogger Pam posted at 1:14 PM  
    I cannot tell you how many times I've rolled over my skirt. The skirt was never able to bring me completely to the ground tho. I'm also an expert on trying to push a rolly chair, having my foot slid wildly out from under me and wrenching my knee. Luckily I'm sitting during all that.
  4. Blogger Sarah posted at 2:03 PM  
    I can totally see it! I was ROFL!!!!

    I have done many similar things.

    My husband always asks me where I got some bruise and I can never tell him other than I am a klutz.
  5. Blogger Jen posted at 3:03 PM  
    solid. gold. comedy
  6. Blogger Creative Genius? posted at 3:32 PM  
    Yeah - I am a total klutz too - Pam had even said that I should have someone check in on me when I am home alone.... that was after the time when I was wearing my newly knitted socks and ran to silence the dogs.... the sad thing was that I ran on my TILE floor... wiped out totally and bruised my entire left side... it was painful and stupid and silly all at the same time
  7. Blogger Jody posted at 7:32 PM  
    Thanks for the out-loud belly laugh. My kids won't let me forget the time we were eating in a Washington DC restaurant. I went to cut my child's veal parmigiana and the entire plate flew off the table and onto the floor. They would not let me cut their meat after that (hey, maybe that was a GOOD thing).

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