Monday, October 23, 2006

Life goes on...

Things have been getting better, as I knew with time they would be. There are still up and down days. Staying busy and spending time with friends has helped.

This weekend was Homecoming. They had a fabulous time! I still can't believe how fast they are growing up.



Me? I've been knitting and worrying. Doing better, but still worried. Nights are still hard for them and they are clingy at times.

Thank you again for all your support. Hopefully things will start moving a little more toward normal soon.

Posted by Heather at 11:58 AM 4 comments

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

home

I'm back home in Arizona and it feels like I have been gone a month. To say this has been a surreal week is an understatement. And to say it is the worst time in my children's lives couldn't be more of an understatement. Seeing them so sad and sobbing is killing me. I understand the need for their expressions of grief and am thankful that they aren't holding back. I cannot bear to see them cry, asking me why and hearing them beg for him back. I answer what I can and hold them as close as they want to be held. And cry with them for their loss.

And I am so mad at him. Mad that he didn't care enough to take care of himself for them. Mad that he made them cry like this. And mad about things I've found out about him since he passed.

There was nothing for me to do while they went to spend time with his family. I worried obsessively. And I knit. And knit. I knit an entire baby sweater while I waited. Something to keep my brain a little busy while I waited to be needed for a hug or a snuggle. And worried about my babies.

Thank you for your kind comments and emails. I'm trying to write everyone back slowly, but we all know how blogger sucks about comments. So I thank you from my heart. I needed every single one of them.

Posted by Heather at 3:30 PM 6 comments

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Goodbye

This weekend the Princess and Star's lives changed forever. My ex, their Dad, passed away on Saturday in his sleep. He had been ill for such a long time but seemed to be doing ok as of late. We all knew he wouldn't ever be back to the way he was, but we all thought it was at least a little better.

He and I had come to a "truce" of sorts over the years. Gone was all the fighting and in it's place a sort of friendship. It is hard for me to comprehend that someone I've known since I was 18 and was married to for 10 years is gone.

Telling my children their father died was the worst thing I have ever had to do. And watching them break down the hardest thing I have ever seen. We have spent hours talking. And hours crying together. They have ups and downs. Making this even harder for them is that today is the Star's 17th birthday.

We leave for Tampa on Tuesday morning. Please tell the people around you that you love them today. And make peace with someone who perhaps you are on the outs with. You never know when it will be the last time you see or talk to them. Life is too short for fighting, tears and unhappiness.

Posted by Heather at 5:25 PM 14 comments